The Shadow Of Your Smile
by AJeff
Summary: Miss Parker leaves a daughter for Jarod to care for. Due to the contents of Chapter 9, rating had been changed from T to M.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Pretender**

Sometimes the toughest life to save is your own. The ice queen was petty, vindictive and evil. She wished for desire and love. She wished for several things, but mainly, she wished for him.

"How do you keep from going crazy?" She had asked him once.

"Focus," he replied.

"Tell me that there's more to life than what I can see?" Again, another question.

Jarod returned home to his house. He had been running late. So still was the silence as he shut the door behind him. He moved rather rapidly into the upstairs bedroom. There in bed laid so soundly asleep was his daughter, two year old Kayla, with her arms wrapped around her Raggedy Ann doll.

It wasn't until the very end did she tell him about his child. He stared at their picture, framed in 14kt gold, of Miss Parker and Kayla. This was his family, one that he never knew until about two months ago.

Jarod would come home each night, kissed his daughter and have dinner which, his nanny had prepared for just the two of them. That was his routine, just him and his baby girl. He stared at her. How could he not have known she was his child. With those huge dark brown eyes and a dimple on her right side of her cheek, Kayla was the spitting image of him.

Melissa Parker, the woman he loved, the one he had wanted to spend his life with was gone.

It happened one night, but, one night of passion did not lead to a lifetime of commitment. His daughter changed his life forever. He promised her before she left that their Kayla would always be taken care of.

It had come to an understanding that the "Pretender and the Ice Queen" was not the kind of life she had wanted for their child. She shielded Kayla from him. She never forgave herself for having deprived Jarod of those precious first time moments, of those sleepless nights when the baby had to be held in her arms, rocked back and forth until she had fallen asleep, the first time she took her first few steps and the first tme she ever said mama.

Jarod sat in his chair and stared into space every night. He visualized, as if she was in the same room, leaned against the wall with her hands crossed in front of her, dark sun glasses pushed slightly down on her nose, her weight leaned to one side and stared into his eyes. With that acid-tongue of hers, she would spit out, "WHAT?"

He blinked back tears, looked around the room and realized it was only his dream. There had been no Melissa who stood anywhere in the room. There were a lot of memories of her. She hardly ever smiled, but when she did, it sparkled his world.

He promised that he'd always be there for their daughter, for his "ice queen" to not be able to have shared tears and laughter with them crushed his heart in several bits and pieces.

She'd always be a part of his life. Kayla was a part of him and a part of her and hoped the latter would be more dominant.

He quietly walked out of the bedroom, but heard a faint cry.

"Daddy," she whispered. He turned, saw his Kayla as she sat up on her bed and rubbed her eyes. She looked up at him and held out her tiny hands. She repeated. "Daddy."

This was the very first time she had spoken that word. The sound of her voice sent chills throughout his body. His daughter, his little girl had finally settled into her new life. He picked her up and she wrapped her tiny arms around his neck. She laid her head on his shoulders and she gently patted his face.

Jarod looked out of the window. The heavy rain hit against the glass. He told himself, this was the picture he would had wanted it to be, of them being a family together. But, instead, it was a life without Melissa. His Melissa.

As Kayla fell asleep in her father's arms, Jarod gently kissed his little one. Teardrops fell down his face.

One step at a time, he told himself. He wished, that Miss Parker followed the path to his heart, if only by magic.

TBC - Chapter 2


	2. Chapter 2

Flashback

"Jarod." She crept up to him and whispered his name as he stood under the moonlight on a secluded private beach front home. Startled, he stepped away at the familiar sound of her voice.

"Miss Parker." He swallowed hard and expected to be held at gunpoint.

"What are you doing here?"

She shrugged and moved in closer to him. He held his breath as she answered.

"I followed you. There's no one here but me." She smiled.

He shuffled his foot through the sand. "And what do you propose you'll do to me?" He waited for her Smith and Wesson 9mm to be pointed directly into his face.

"Anything you want, Jarod, whatever you want." Parker spoke in her throaty voice as she tugged at the waistband of his swim shorts.

He pressed his lips down together and it showed an impression of his dimple, which she poked at, but, he brushed her finger away. He waited for her next move. She was a conniver and manipulator. She, afterall, was a Parker. He did not want to be pulled into her web of deceit. After what seemed like a lifetime of silence between them, Jarod spoke up.

"Okay, cut the crap, Parker. No games with me. What?" He imitated her oh so famous telephone salutation of etiquette. "Is "daddy" or Lyle around the corner somewhere? Ready for their attack? Take their trophy back to The Centre? Sent you here to lure me into you?"

She shushed him as her two fingers touched his lips. "I'm here to finish up what almost happened, but didn't. A moment of weakness? I don't think so. If we weren't so rudely interrupted, what would have happened, Jarod? We had the perfect setting".

"When "daddy" arrived, what happened in the car? You pulled away when I reached out to you, held your hand. You were so cold-hearted, my little ice queen. No amount of fire could have melted that iceberg around that heart of yours."

She ignored his remarks and continued with her speech. "A roaring fire. Two willing adults. Didn't need a cup of tea to warm us up. Did we? We could pick up where we left off. If you want me, if you'll have me, I'm yours."

He had wanted her for the longest time. His hand caressed her face slowly and gently, but pulled back suddenly.

"Scared of me, Jarod? I can read your heart. I see your eyes. The urge, your needs, the way you pine over me, like Poe pinning for Lenore. The only difference is...", she ran her finger across his collarbone..."I'm not dead."

He hesitated, then roughly pulled her into him. "Shut up, Melissa."

"Make me," she hissed.

He held on to her tightly At first, the excitement was a quiet pleasure, the gentleness of his touch and the tenderness of her kiss followed as they fondled each other. His dark chocolate browns and her sky blues were so hot that they danced as if to escape their fiery of passion. They shared patience, trust and without fear, love. They made love and experienced their unity with each other.

End Of Flasback

He'd never imagined fatherhood as being a single parent for him. Jarod wanted a storybook romance. But, he knew fairy tales never came true. There were no happy endings. Someone eventually dies. Happiness was only a temporary thing. He brushed his little girl's hair and helplessly tried in vain to do a ponytail on the top of her head.

Kayla squirmed impatiently. "No, no,no," she snarled and pulled off the cloth rubber band which held her lopsided hair.

"You are your mommy's daughter," he teased her. He had given up and instead placed a headband atop her head. He was a pretender, one who could become anyone and do anything. But, ah...he was not successful in such a simple task as a ponytail.

"Mama?" His daughter called out, her eyes scanned the room as if her mother would suddenly appear.

"No, baby, mama's not here. But, daddy's here." He reassured her. She stayed in the comfort of his arms as he hugged her little body, but after a couple of minutes, she pushed him away, squiggled out of his hold. The little two year old ran to the corner of their living room and curled up in a fetal position.

"Mama," she cried out. Jarod joined her on the floor and he patted her lightly on the back.

"Run...way, Mama." She cried painfully.

**BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB**

"This is Sydney." The psychiatrist answered his telephone in the same manner as he'd always done.

"It's Jarod, Sydney."

"How is Kayla adjusting to her life with you?" The doctor asked concerned.

"She has her good days and her bad days. She misses her mother. What do you think?"

"Give her time, Jarod."

"Time? Time? It's time for Parker to get her ass back here. She knows how it feels to lose her mother. Or has she forgotten? To put our daughter through all of this, it's breaking her little heart. If I was heartless, I'd take my baby away from her and she'll never see her again. But, I can't do that. I won't have Kayla growing up looking for her mommy, wondering what happened to her, asking why did she leave or why was she taken away." Jarod raised his voice.

"Jarod..."

"I'm not done talking. Parker leaves The Centre when she was a few months pregnant, leaves the country, gives birth and brings my child to me at two years of age. And furthermore, what made her decide to bring the baby to me now when she definitely did not want anything to do with me? Tell me, Sydney. I'm hurting as much as Kayla is."

"You do love her, don't you?"

"Yes, I love my daughter. What kind of a question is that?" His voice softened.

"No, my boy, I meant Parker."

Jarod was quiet.

"Your silent. Is it a yes or a no?"

"You're the shrink, you tell me. You tell me, because I don't know anything anymore."

Sydney led out a sigh. "Jarod, there is a very good reason why

Miss Parker had done what she did."

"Then make me understand why? Make our daughter understand why. I want to know, we want to know."

"Alright, Jarod. I'll come over and we can talk."

The truth, it is said, can set you free. The truth can also be a very dangerous thing.

TBC - Chapter 3


	3. Chapter 3

"Sy...ny," Kayla hollered and clung on to Sydney's leg as he entered the doorway.

"Hey, mind your manners," Jarod scolded his daughter as he tore her away from his mentor. "It's Uncle Sydney."

"Unco!" She chirped.

"You've done well, Jarod. She is a happy child."

Kayla climbed onto her tricycle and circled around her father. "Sweetheart, why don't you go ride your bike in your playroom, okay?"

"kay," she squeaked and peddled off.

Sydney stroked his chin as if he was in deep thought. Jarod called out his name three times before he spoke out.

"Yes, Jarod?"

"Parker. Tell me what's she up to. You had said there was a reason for her departure. What is it?" Jarod had lost his patience a long time ago. "So, what's the leather clad, gun-totting ice queen bitch up to now?"

"Jarod, stop," Sydney cautioned him.

He smirked. "I didn't say cigarette-smoking, did I? I was actually being nice."

"I don't know what was the reason on why she left, but she promised me, if things worked out the way she hoped, you'll understand her actions."

"All I know is that she deprived me the past two years of Kayla's life. This two months with my daughter isn't going to make up for her deceit. And what the shit was so important, she had to leave her daughter? You know how many times she'd tell me to go to hell? I've been to hell and back! Now it's her turn! I'll show her hell!"

**BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB**

The two women embraced each other. The attractive red-headed older woman with streaks of gray poured coffee for her younger guest.

"One lump or two, dear," she asked of the cubes of sugar in the bowl.

"No, thank you. I drink mines black." Her guest replied. Miss Parker crossed her long legs and tossed her hair before she grabbed her cup.

"Melissa dear, you look just like her. You are the spitting image of your mother. Catherine was such a beautiful woman. And you've grown up to be just as beautiful. No, I take that back. You are even more beautiful."

"Thank you." Miss Parker's baby blue eyes glistened at the mentioned of her mother. She sipped her coffee slowly.

Her hostess sat erect, folded her hands together and smiled. "How ever did you locate me?"

"It wasn't easy. Maybe it was for my selfish reason," she thought of Jarod, "or not. I have a daughter, she's a little over two."

"And her father allowed you to run across the globe in search of me? Why?" She queried in wonderment.

"It was not until two months ago had he known about our daughter. I hid her from The Centre, from him. I knew The Centre would have immediately taken Kayla, that's her name, for themselves for her to be their own prized possession. I left the country for a couple of years and when I heard of your whereabouts, I decided to come back home. It was only right to hire a private investigator and, well, here I am and here you are."

The woman sat quietly and patiently as she listened to Parker's story.

Miss Parker fumbled for her daughter's photo in her handbag. "This is Kayla C. M. Russell. The C stands for Catherine and M for Margaret."

Margaret took the photo and held it delicately close to her heart as if it was Kayla she hung on to. "My grandchild? My Jarod's baby?"

Miss Parker blinked back tears and simply nodded. Margaret rose from her chair, embraced her and cried.

"I have to explain to Jarod when I get back. I could not tell him where I was headed to. Suppose it was just another false hope. After the Isle of Carthis, I promised myself I'd look for you. He'd tried so many times to find you, but it was always a dead-end road. He had no avenues to turn to."

"You've proven your love for him, Melissa."

"He's not aware of it. Not yet, anyway. I hurt him by not telling him about our baby. I didn't plan to get pregnant and when I did, it frightened me. I didn't want to lose my child and I didn't want to lose him. The Centre would have taken Jarod and Kayla away from me. So now, I suppose, he probably thinks I'm dying or worse yet, questions my abandonment of my precious child and he's hating me at this very moment."

"You were so very wrong in keeping your pregnancy from him." Margaret spoke in a motherly tone.

"I know that now. He had a right to know. He'll never forgive me. He had been so angry when I left. A lot of yelling." Miss Parker broke down in tears. "He did all the yelling."

"You are warm and loving, dear. Who would not want to love someone like you. You are so fragile, but yet, you fight for what you believe in. Just like Catherine."

Miss Parker laughed inside. If only Margaret knew of her reputation at The Centre and of her nicknames, "Ice Queen, "Ice Princess" to name a few came to her mind.

"Jarod, will protect you, Margaret. Sydney, too. And you've got to meet Broots and his daughter Debbie. You'll just love them. Come home with me, Margaret. Come home to Jarod and our daughter."

Margaret only nodded.

Miss Parker's voice cracked. "I'd like to tell him, I love him and say, Honey, I'm home, forgive me for suddenly leaving, for making your life a living hell but, I'm back now and I brought your mother home with me."

We've all made mistakes to the one we love. It is a matter of acceptance of forgiveness which hopefully lies within us.

TBC - Chapter 4


	4. Chapter 4

Jarod watched his daughter as she was sprawled on her bed fast asleep. He pulled the bed covers over her and pushed strands of her hair behind her earlobe. He prayed that she would not be a replica of her mother. Miss Parker supposedly was the daughter of the most powerful man at The Centre. She grew up as another man's daughter which was no consolation. The two people Jarod hated the most in his life were Raines and Mr. Parker.

Once upon a time, he thought Miss Parker was the one he had wanted to share his life with. But, that was once upon a time. She hurt him so deeply, that his feelings for her had changed drastically.

Fashblack

This was not what Parker had expected, but who can blame Jarod. She kept her secret for two years. She angered him so much that his heart pounded so hard it felt as if it had exploded out of his chest.

"Why, Melissa? Why now? What makes you think after a couple of years, you think you can come into my life, unexpectedly, unannounced and uninvited to tell me you have this one teeny weeny secret you've kept from me. That I have a daughter! A daughter! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Jarod, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Damned it, you deprived me from everything. From seeing her at birth, from hearing her first word, which I'm assuming it was "mama", since she had no idea of what a father is! You deprived me of everything!"

Miss Parker had never seen him cry before, until that very day. He wiped his eyes and picked up the closest item, which was a book and threw it against the wall. She nervously picked it up, but dropped it suddenly at the sound of his voice.

"Leave it!" He hollered.

"Jarod, I came home because I wanted Kayla to know her father and you to know your daughter. I look at our daughter and she reminds me so much of you. I know I can never make it up to you, the lost years, but, just love her."

"I've never had a family of my own and..."

"Jarod, now you have. You have Kayla and hopefully me. I love you."

"You what? Love me? You have a funny way of showing it, darling! I don't need your kind of love. I'll love my daughter and I'll give her a life I never had, you don't have to worry about her. I won't be a father like "daddy"! Or whomever the hell your father is!"

"Let me explain, please. I had gone to a routine physical, besides I wasn't feeling well. I was always exhausted. It never occurred to me that I could be pregnant, until my doctor ran those extra tests."

"Yea! And it never occurred to you to tell me of your condition! Fuck! Look, never mind explaining to me, you don't have to justify any of your doings! It's just plain to see that you fucked up, Parker!"

"No matter how many times I've turned on you, pointed my gun at you, you've never sworn at me before, Jarod. Never."

"I just never said it loud enough! So, I'll say it again . And I'll say it loud and clear! Fuck!"

End Of Flashback

Miss Parker unpacked her bags and headed to her guest room. Margaret had just gotten out of the shower, sat on the bed and patted the sit next to her. She held on to Parker's hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Does Jarod know you're back, dear?"

"I miss Kayla so much, but, maybe I should wait until morning to give him a call. I need to gather my thoughts. I just don't exactly know how to tell him about you. I should really call Sydney first, don't you think?"

"You do what you think is right, Melissa dear."

"Jarod said a lot of hateful words to me. I guess I deserved it. After how I've treated him. What I'm afraid of is that he won't want a life with me. I'll just be the mother of his child and nothing more." Miss Parker laid her head on Margaret's shoulder and weeped.

"Give him time, dear, it will take some time. I promise you it will be alright."

They say time heals everything. What if the one that needs healing can't find the time to forgive?

TBC - Chapter 5


	5. Chapter 5

Miss Parker was the object of Jarod's desire. She was his biggest weakness. He had never been the type to lose self control, but two years was such a long time for her to have kept his child away from him.

Parker hesitated for several seconds before she pushed the button to his doorbell. She heard tiny footsteps, then heard her baby's squeaky voice from the other side of the door.

"Daddyyyyyy"! Kayla pounded on the door, tiptoed and tried unsuccessfully to reach for the knob. "Open," she demanded.

Jarod smiled and thought in many ways how much his daughter reminded him of her mother. "Okay, sweetheart, okay. Now who could it be this early in the morning?" He bent down and scooped her up into his arms and opened the door.

Miss Parker smiled, but Jarod showed no emotions. "Miss Parker." Jarod was civil to her. "You're back."

"Yes, I'm back. Kayla, baby, mommy's here. I've missed you." She held out her hands to the tiny tot, but, Kayla clung on to Jarod, unsure of who this stranger was.

She felt the coldness in his heart and painfully smiled at her daughter. "Sweetie, it's mommy." Parker carefully attempted to take hold of her, when Kayla wrapped her legs around her daddy, her one hand hooked around his neck and her other pushed her mommy away. The ice queen fell apart inside.

"Nooooo," their baby cried in her high-pitched voice, turned away and buried her face under Jarod's chin.

"Parker, don't. She's unaware of who you are."

"I can see that. I can see how you two have bonded. You've done a fabulous job of turning her against me," she hissed sarcastically as she stroked Kayla's soft dark hair.

"I did no such thing. She's her own person. Like you, Parker."

"Are you going to let me in and collect my daughter?"

"Next time, don't come knocking at my door without an invitation."

Miss Parker felt her temperature almost reached to a boiling point, but, held back. Instead, she took a deep breath before she spoke. "I didn't knock, I rang your doorbell."

"Get in," he said reluctantly. She entered his home and he slammed the door.

"Our daughter's not some sort of art collection where you think you can just store for a few months at my place and come to pick her up when you've decided you're ready for her. Where the hell were you!" He raised his voice.

"Lower your voice, Jar. You're scaring her."

Jarod released Kayla onto the floor. "Sweetheart, go look for "dolly" and bring it out for mommy, okay?"

"Mama?"

Miss Parker knelt down to her level. "Yes, sweetie, mama. I'm your mama." Kayla playfully tugged at her mother's hair.

"You want to give me a kiss right here?" Parker pointed to her cheek.

Kayla looked to her daddy as if for approval. He nodded and she kissed Parker on the face. The little girl pointed to her own cheek. Parker smiled. "You want mommy to kiss you?"

Again, she turned to her daddy. Jarod nodded and Kayla moved her cheek to Parker. "Mama. My mama. See? Daddy?"

"Yes, sweetheart, mommy's back" he looked to Kayla, then turned to Parker. "How long before you decide to take off again? And if you do, my daughter's not..."

Miss Parker interrupted him. "I'm not going anywhere. Jarod, I never meant to hurt you. I know what I did was wrong, but..."

"But, what, Parker? You think I could ever forgive you? For keeping her away from me? I can't. And I won't. I've always given you the benefit of the doubt, but not anymore. You're someone I could never trust again, not that I ever did. Everything you've ever done was for "daddy" and The Centre. Have you ever taken into consideration about the way I felt about you? You followed me to that beach front and we...look forget it!"

"We made love, Jarod."

"No, I made love, you just wanted sex. Why you came to me, is beyond me. Heaven knows you've had what? A hundred guys, you didn't need me!"

Her tantalizing blue eyes held back tears. "A hundred guys?"

"Oh, excuse me, Melissa! Two hundred?" He yelled.

"Fuck you, Jarod!"

"No, no, princess, we've done that already. And I can promise you one thing, never again! Nothing will ever let me get close to you again! So, are you done with that so called assignment you needed to tend to? I have a question for you. What exactly was your motive for telling me about my daughter? Why did you wait so long? Or was this assignment connected to my child? Tell me!"

"Damn you, Jar! Why can't you accept me for what I am?"

"Accept you for what you are? I just hope Kayla will never be like you! Thank you for my daughter, but, I wished you weren't her mother. The only relationship we'll ever have together is just being Kayla's parents. Nothing more, you got that?"

"Mama sad?" Parker cried as she picked her up. With her tiny hands, Kayla cupped her mommy's face and kissed her gently on her lips. "Bet...ter, mama?"

"Better," Parker whispered and wiped her tears away.

Jarod had been so angry at Miss Parker. But now, he just stood and watched the tender scenario between mother and daughter. He had wanted to have comforted her, embraced her tightly in his arms, tell her everything was going to be alright, but, it wasn't and he promised himself he'd never admit how much he still loved her.

Jarod was a man who kept his promise. Sometimes, though, promises were meant to be broken.

TBC - Chapter 6


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: Thanks, Ren (Odakota) for your opening line.

Sometimes hearts take longer to heal when they've been battered so much. How could two people love each other, but yet, ignore it all at the same time? Open up, take the risk or one will find themselves a life without love. Jarod and Miss Parker were together in his home, with their daughter, yet, loneliness filled their hearts. It never entered his mind as Parker being a mother, let alone the mother of his child.

There was no time like the present. Miss Parker instructed Sydney and Margaret to join her in about an hour at Jarod's for the family reunion or confrontation.

"We need to talk, Jarod." She rose from his living room sofa where she and Kayla had gotten reacquainted for the past half an hour.

"Okay, mommy and daddy need to talk, Kayla sweetie, so why don't daddy put on your favorite dvd cartoon and you can watch it?" Jarod entered the family room as Kayla shadowed him. After a couple of minutes, he joined Parker.

"No more secrets, no more lies. Tell me, what the hell's going on."

Parker cleared her throat and began slowly. "First of all, I'm sorry for having kept Kayla away from you. I truly do apologize. I kept her all to myself and that was unfair to you. I should have been honest the moment I found out about my pregnancy. And it will break my heart if you won't or can't forgive me."

Jarod so rudely interrupted as he clapped his hands together. "Bravo! Parker. BRA-VO! Since when did you suddenly begin to grow a heart?"

"Stop it, Jarod! Just stop it! You're making it very hard for me to apologize."

"Yes, that is the idea! I'll never forget or let you forget how much you've deceived me. So, get used to it. Because, everything you've done in your life has been for your own selfish reasons! All these years, Parker, I've tried to befriend you, tried to help you out, even to a point where I sent someone to love you and his brains got blown away right under your eyes! And I feel responsible for his death! I might as well have pulled the trigger myself!

"You leave Tommy out of this, you bastard! Don't you realize it by know, Einstein, that's the reason I shielded Kayla away from you and The Centre? They could have killed you and taken my baby away! So, don't you bloody hell tell me about being selfish! " Miss Parker screamed. "Look, I'll take my daughter now and you can brood all you want!"

"You're not taking her anywhere! You've had her for two years! It's my turn! You come back to get her in a couple of years! Call it even! By then, I'll have court papers drawn up on how we'll handle visitation rights!

"Jarod, stop. Please." Miss Parker begged. "You've always been a logical man. Please. Right now I feel as if we're in court fighting for custody."

"I still had a right to know about her! You made the wrong fucken decision! So, Ice Woman, what made you decide to tell me now about my daughter?"

Fear suddenly shot through her body. She had rehearsed those words she so wanted to tell him, about how she found Margaret, but, at that very instance nothing came out of her mouth other than her cries of silence.

"Tell me, Parker! Why?"

Her tears flowed out rapidly.

"Melissa!"

"Jarod, for not telling you about Kayla, forgive me for what I've done, even if it's only a little bit." Parker fell slowly into him and snaked her arms around his back.

He pushed her away, but she embraced him even tighter. "One night without you, to not hold you, kiss you, had been too long. I love you with everything I am and I don't know how to do it without you, Jarod."

"Don't, Parker. Just stay away from me," his voice had softened and this time he didn't pull back. "Don't do this to me."

"Do what?" She felt his arms tightened around her, then pulled slightly away, his fingers ran through her hair.

"Jarod?" Miss Parker felt her heart as it beat rapidly. He didn't answer, instead, he kissed her hungrily.

To fall in love is easy, to stay in love is the hardest part.

TBC - Chapter 7


	7. Chapter 7

That kiss. Their lips locked together for what seemed like an eternity, then slowly he slipped his tongue into her slightly opened mouth. For the moment, nothing mattered but the need for each other.

Jarod released Miss Parker, pushed her aside and raised his hands between them. His face was flushed, he spoke out of breath. "You always do this to me."

"What?" She reached out and drew him into her by his belt buckle.

"This! Us! I can't do this!" He walked abruptly away, but Parker grabbed onto his arm. Jarod stopped. Instead of his usual warm chocolate browns, she saw coldness in his eyes.

"I'm sorry. It was just a moment of weakness. It won't happen again. You see, I can't love you anymore. I've had a lot of time to think things through while you were away. And loving you would not be in my best interest, Miss Parker."

"It's Melissa. My name is Melissa! Miss Parker died a long time ago. I'm not that person anymore. I'm not. Jarod, I'm not. I'm not letting you go."

"I was never yours to let go. I'm not for keeps. I'll never be. It would be a waste of our time for you to go on begging as you have. My main concern is Kayla and only Kayla, no one else. There is nothing you could do or say to make me ever forgive you. So, stop whatever dreams you have of us of being a family. It's never going to happen, Miss Parker."

"Jarod," she said his name softly as she lightly caressed his cheek. "I do love you."

"No, Parker, don't. I meant what I said about everything." Jarod took two steps back from her. "Don't ever say that again."

"But, I do." She held on to a little thread of hope. She waited for those three little words. But, what came out of his mouth was not what she had expected. "I love you, too." Those were not his choice of words.

"Don't, Parker." It was all Jarod said.

"Okay." Her blue eyes watered, tears fell slowly and painfully down her face.

"Mamaaaaaaa," her little girl called out.

"Go on, our daughter's calling out to you." Jarod smiled slightly.

He poured himself a cup of coffee and sipped it slowly. It saddened him that there was no future for the three of them together as a family. The sound of the doorbell interrupted his thoughts.

He never prepared himself of how his reaction would be if he'd ever came faced to faced with his mother. She was beautiful like the picture he'd kept of her all those years. A bit older, but, it was her. It was his mother. Sydney stood next to the woman and watched the tearful reunion.

"Mom?" He questioned as if unsure of the woman who stood before him.

"Jarod, my son." Margaret tearfully cried.

"Mom." For a genius, Jarod was at a lost for words. He yelled out. "Mom!" He hung on to her like a little boy who had been lost at a department store and he cried.

"My son, my son. You've always been with me. In my thoughts, in my prayers, everywhere. I never lost hope of us ever being together." She hugged what was once a boy and now a grown man.

Jarod squeezed her tightly. "Every night, I saw you. Your face kept haunting me, your hands holding out to me. Each time I'd get closer, you'd suddenly disappear. All those nightmares, sleepless nights, the emptiness in my heart, sometimes it was so unbearable to just go on. At The Centre, I was trained to not have any feelings, so I cried myself to sleep each night in the privacy of my own room."

Jarod turned to Sydney. "Wherever did you find her, Sydney? I don't how I could ever repay you for finding my mother."

Sydney spoke calmly. "Why don't we step inside?"

Jarod helped Margaret out of her coat. She looked around the living room and smiled at her son. Little squeals of laughter filled the room as Kayla ran in to join the reunion.

"And who's this pretty young thing?" Margaret crouched down to her granddaughter. "You must be Kayla. Mommy's been telling me about you. You're prettier than your picture. Give grandmama a hug, will you?"

Kayla hugged her grandmother as Margaret picked her up. "My, you're a big girl, aren't you?"

"Big girl," Kayla chirped.

Jarod was quiet as he listened in on his mother's conversation with his daughter. Thoughts went through his head. Thoughts at first which didn't make any sense at all.

"Melissa, dear. She's even more beautiful than her picture," Margaret beamed.

Miss Parker nodded in agreement.

Jarod turned his attention to Miss Parker. "You knew my mother was in town? How? When?" He questioned, a bit confused.

"Oh, dear, you didn't tell him. Melissa?"

Parker shook her head. "I never got a chance to. We were engaged in other conversations."

"Okay, Sydney, Mom? What's going on here?" He moved his head back and forth at them.

Sydney spoke up. "It was Miss Parker who found your mother, Jarod, not I. She deserves all the credit. After the island, she never stopped looking for her."

"Yes, sweetheart. That's the reason she left Kayla with you. She couldn't tell you of her hunt for me. Just in case, things didn't work out. But, it did. Here I am, back with you and my newly found family."

"Melissa." He spoke her name softly. "You?"

"Jarod." She barely whispered his name. "Yes, me."

To love someone is never your decision. Your heart has a mind of its own.

TBC- Chapter 8


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: Let Me Touch You For Awhile by Alison Krauss (I don't usually use song lyrics in my stories, but I couldn't pass up on a few lines of this song.)**

**Dedication: To Ren (Odakota) thanks for everything. This chapter's for you.**

Jarod walked up to the grey stoned house, rang the doorbell and waited impatiently. When there was no answer, he pounded on the front door. Miss Parker looked through the peephole and cussed under her breath. She wiped the final traces of tears off of her face from her hour long crying session.

"What are you doing here, Jarod?" Her voice cracked and he knew she had been crying.

He entered her home and leaned against the closed door. "You left suddenly. Why didn't you stay?"

"It's your family reunion, not mines. It's only right for Kayla to be with you and Margaret. I don't belong there."

"I'm sorry. I hurt you deeply. I was cruel and insensitive. I called you names, I was disrespectful towards you and I made you cry." Jarod barely touched Parker's face when she hissed at him.

"Get away from me, labrat." She slapped his hands away from her. "And don't you touch me."

"Welcome back, Miss Parker. Never thought you still had it in you."

"What?" She snarled.

"That. Your spunk. Your terms of endearment for me. Your spit fire of a personality. It's back." He laughed.

"I'm glad you find it amusing. It's been pure torture to be around you. I'm exhausted and I don't want to fight with you anymore. I have no energy left to do so."

"I'm not here to fight with you. I'm here to bring you back to my place."

"You think just because I found your mother, now everything should be fine with us?"

"No, Melissa. It's never going to be fine with us. You still deceived me."

"Thank you for always throwing that in my face." Parker growled.

"The past will always haunt us. But, I'd like to thank you, though, for your succeeded efforts in finding mom. I only wished I could have saved Catherine for you."

"I know that finding Margaret does not justify for what I've done to you. I kept our daughter out of your life and I am truly sorry. You are right in a sense, that I'm not a sincere person, you've blurted it enough a thousand times since I've been back. You are right again, whereas, I might be selfish, I might be cruel and heartless when things don't go my way, but, you were always there when I needed help where it concerned my mother and the least I could do was to try and locate Margaret."

"You put your life in danger and supposed something had happened to you?"

"I knew Kayla would have been taken care of. So, what's it going to be now, Jarod? Like divorced couples, only we were never a couple, shall we take turns every other week with her? She'll be shifted back and forth to us until she's eighteen. Unless you have a better idea."

Jarod shrugged. "You've done a wonderful job of raising her alone. I only hope I can be as good a parent as you have been to her."

"I can see that she loves you a lot and you love her. Kayla is fortunate to have you as her father. I can't make you do anything you don't want to. I can't make you love me. You're not the first man I've ever loved, Jarod, but I'd like you to be my last."

Slowly, cautiously, Jarod took steps towards her. "I'd like to hold you now, if you let me." He held out his arms.

Miss Parker felt comfort in the warmth of his embrace. "There's no turning back, Jarod. I wouldn't be able to handle it."

"Melissa, I do love you, I've always loved you." He kissed her tenderly. **"I know a way to make you smile. It's been a long time. Let me touch you for a while. Just let me whisper things you've never heard before. Just let me touch you, baby, just let me touch you for awhile."**

Always believe what's in your heart. It only takes a moment to listen.

TBC - Chapter 9


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: This story has come to an end. I'd like to thank everyone for all your wonderful reviews. I do hope I did not miss anyone in thanking them personally. And to my anonymous reviewers, thank you so very much. **

**Due to the contents of this chapter, story had been change from "T" to "M" rating. **

Jarod trailed down her back with his hands. His mouth caressed her neck.

"I'll never hurt you again. Make love to me, Jarod," Miss Parker panted and grabbed at him. She felt the heat of his body pressed against hers as it penetrated through his shirt.

"I'll never stop loving you, Melissa. I'll never leave you."

Jarod was surprised that she quickly was aroused by his touches, she didn't want him to stop, but he pulled away and their eyes locked as he unbuttoned his shirt. Parker slipped it off of his shoulders and it fell down to the floor. She was breathless.

"Make love to me," she repeated as she caressed his bare chest.

"It's been a long time," he told her. Their lips met. "So very long." He kissed her hard. "I want you now," Jarod moaned softly. "I want everything to be perfect."

He picked her up and carried her into the bedroom, as Jarod laid her down on her bed, she purred softly. He loved the taste of her tongue as his lingered in her mouth.

Miss Parker cuddled him as he lowered his head on her chest. Slowly, he undressed her and kissed the softness of her skin. She tingled all over. He removed the remainder of his clothing. She reached out for him.

Jarod crawled atop her and with her long silky legs, she welcomed him widely. His name was called out and he loved the sound of it.

"Jarod," she whispered as she felt him in her. "Jarod." Again, she said his name.

It had been such a long time since they'd been together, that with his every movement, Parker screamed out loud, that it muffled his moans.

"Shh." His mouth covered hers. Her screams turned to soft moans.

His voice was low-toned. "This is good. Honey, you feel so good. So very good."

She whimpered his name.

He felt an electrifying sensation throughout his body which moved him in such a way that Miss Parker tugged tightly on her white satin sheets as he satisfied both of their needs.

"Oh god, honey!" Jarod became louder. "Like this, hon?"

"Uh-huh." Her voice was barely a whisper. She closed her eyes and tightened her muscles inside of her, at the same time she gently scraped his back. "I could stay like this forever, with you in me."

"Melissa!" He said her name loudly. "You just don't know what you do to me. Oh, baby. God, what you do to me!" He seemed out of control.

With their tongues in mouths, they kissed wildly.

Jarod!" She yelled as he deepened their closeness. "Again, Jarod!" And he did exactly as she had asked. "Don't stop! Please don't stop, sweetheart." She begged.

He abided to her request. Miss Parker moaned. His voice became louder each time she moaned helplessly. Hot sweat ran down their bodies as both released at the same time.

**JMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMP**

Parker cuddled up to him. Jarod wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

She smiled. "How long have you been up?"

"About fifteen minutes or so. I love to watch you sleep." He caressed her shoulders.

Miss Parker raised her head as he lowered his. They kissed, not as passionately, not as hungrily, but tenderly. With his fingers, he combed through her hair.

"You're beautiful, don't you know that?"

"No, I'm not," she smiled.

His hands roamed her body, when suddenly Miss Parker quickly jolted up.

"What? What is it?"

"How long have we been in bed, Jarod?"

"I don't know, honey, it's not like I timed ourselves." He laughed.

"Kayla. She's probably wondering what happened to us." Parker jumped out of bed. "Jarod." She raised her voice. "Let's go!"

He laid back in bed, his eyes twinkled and enjoyed the scenery before him.

"What...what are you gawking at?" Her sky-blue eyes glared at him, while she stood at the foot of the bed, her hands on her hips and waited for an answer.

"You," Jarod answered matter-of-factly. "Your beauty just mesmerize me. I'm glad you're comfortable standing in front of me stark naked, but maybe, you should put on some clothes before you start running out of the house."

Miss Parker looked down at herself, threw a pillow at Jarod, walked off in a huff and headed to the bathroom. After several minutes, Jarod opened the glass door of the shower. He watched as the gentle cycle of the water sprays hit against her. She turned, smiled at him as she lathered her washcloth.

"Here, let me do that for you." He joined her in the shower. Gently, he washed every inch of her front in smooth, slow strokes. Jarod repeated the process from the back of her shoulders down to her legs and up again. Parker leaned back against his chest, he wrapped his arms around her, he kneaded her breasts. She gasped as his hands traveled down and caressed what he felt was her most prized possession. With her arms stretched forward, she pressed her palms against the cold tile wall and tilted her head back. His hands slid up and down her back, then he slowly tightened his hold on her waist and planted kisses on her shoulder. Jarod turned her around. He eyed her from top to bottom while her finger gestured for him to step closer to her.

"It's my turn," she whispered. With washcloth in hand, Parker very gently, very slowly, glided it over his body. She took extra time and special care of his family jewel. Jarod closed his eyes and enjoyed every moment of her touch.

"I can't seem to get enough of you, Melissa."

They kissed and joined together again as one, for the second time that day.

**JMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMP**

As Jarod and Miss Parker entered his house, they followed the sounds of Kayla's cries into the family room.

"Poor dear, after her short nap, she woke up crying looking for her mommy and daddy. What took you two so long?" Margaret asked innocently as she handed her granddaughter over to her son.

"Thanks, mom. We had matters to tend to." It was all Jarod had said . He cradled Kayla into his arms, kissed her on the forehead and spoke to her soothingly.

"Daddy." Kayla stroked his chin. "Mama?"

"Mama's right here, sweetheart. I'm right here. Why were you crying?"

Miss Parker bent down to kiss her. "It's alright, baby. Everything is alright. We're not going anywhere."

Kayla held out her hands to her mother. "Mama."

"Want mommy to carry you?" Kayla nodded at her daddy.

"Mama. Carry?"

**JMJMPMJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMP**

After a tiresome day, Jarod sat on the living room sofa, leant his head back. Kayla climbed on and flopped herself on top of her father, laid her face against his chest, with her arms around him, she rocked herself back and forth. He wrapped his arms on her tiny body.

"Tired, sweetheart?" Jarod kissed her hand.

She nodded. Kayla looked up. "Dolly?"

"In your bedroom, sweetheart."

"Dolly?" She asked again as her puppy-dogged eyes fluttered at her daddy.

"Okay, baby, let's go get dolly." Parker stood close by and sat beside them.

Their two year old shook her head as she laid in the comfort of her father.

"You." Kayla pointed her finger at her mother.

"Hey, no finger pointing." Jarod patted her gently on her behind. "Say, please."

"Please. Mama?"

"Okay, baby, okay. But, first give mama a kiss?"

Kayla kissed her mother and giggled. Parker feather-light kissed Jarod.

"We must train her not to be so demanding. She sounds a bit like me, doesn't she? Don't you think?" She whispered in his ears.

Jarod only laughed.

He was a man who hadn't asked for anything much. Jarod never asked to love Miss Parker or for her to love him in return. But, nothing could have stopped what they felt for each other. He never asked for his life to be complicated. It was. The one thing he lacked the most was now the one thing he needed the most in his life. His family was his greatest treasures. He must have done something right somewhere along the way.

Think with your heart, not your head. Your heart is always wiser.

**The End**


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